Dawn's Notes
Afraid Of Heights - October 2023
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW
A close friend and her husband made an impromptu visit to see my husband and me. While there, the lady told us about a trip that she and her husband had taken out-of-state with their grown daughter, her husband, and their children.
Prior to their trip, she said that she, her husband, and the children’s parents discussed whether to drive or fly. She said that since her husband does not like to fly, the long distance for the trip created a dilemma.
The grandchildren heard the discussion, and after listening attentively, one of the granddaughters who was about seven years old told her grandfather, “Grandpa, if you will fly with us, I will hold your hand,” and he reluctantly agreed to fly.
On the day of the flight, the little granddaughter was seated beside her grandpa on the plane. As the pilot revved the engines for takeoff, the little girl reached for her grandpa’s hand. She held Grandpa’s hand until the plane was safely in the air, then she let go.
After a few hours, when it was time for the plane to land, little girl took her grandpa’s hand again. She held Grandpa’s hand tightly until the plane landed and came to its final stop. In spite of Grandpa’s fear of flying, he and the family had safely flown!
Our friend’s husband is not the only one who is afraid of flying. In fact, he is one of 25 million in the U.S. with aerophobia, the fear of flying. Some people who are afraid to fly take medications for their anxieties and fly anyway. Others attend therapy to learn how to cope with their fears.
Some fears of flying are founded, some are not, and some are based on what ifs—“What if there is a storm?” or “What if the plane malfunctions and crashes?” Even if bad things do happen to us, we must try to go on.
Below is a thought-provoking quote from the book To Kill a Mockingbird, written by Harper Lee and published in 1960. Atticus Finch, a fictitious character in the book, made the words famous.
“She was afraid of heights
but she was much more afraid of never flying.”
Life in general is filled with many experiences. Experiences that are sad, happy, exciting, challenging, and scary. After a loss, spouses may be left with very unique situations to try to figure out.
After my husband died, I had to deal with a broken lawn mower, a flooded basement, and replacing a hail-damaged roof—situations I would have never dreamed of having to deal with alone. Both women and men have to deal with challenges.
I met a lady from a small town soon after her husband died. She told me that during their marriage, her husband seldom let her drive. Consequently, after he died, she lacked confidence in her driving skills. But she knew she had to drive to the store for groceries and such.
One day she asked me if I thought she could learn to drive in a larger town not far away. I told her I believed she could do it. She drove to the town, drove in the town, and she did fine! A few months later, she confidently told me she had driven to another state to see a friend, all by herself, without problems!
Like the quote, she was “afraid of heights,” (actually afraid of driving), but “more afraid of never flying,” (afraid of never driving out of town). But necessity pushed her to face the fact that life had to go on!
Facing your future without the one you love may be frightening. But why not gently test your “wings?” If you do, you may find your “wings” are strong enough to carry you to places you would have never dreamed! So dream a little, then spread your wings and fly!
Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty, Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225
Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator