Dawn's Notes
Welcome To Holland - March 2025
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW
A few years ago, some of my family members and I flew to Alaska for two funerals. We arrived in Fairbanks without incident. We attended the funerals, and by the time we were ready to head back to Kansas, we were emotionally and physically tired. We were ready to go home.
That evening, my niece drove us to the small Fairbanks airport for our flight. To our dismay, we found our flight plans had been changed. Our plane would not depart until about 4:30 the next morning, and our plane had been re-routed through Salt Lake City instead of directly to Denver.
We left Fairbanks on schedule. We arrived and departed Salt Lake City without any problems. But the worst was yet to come! During our descent over the mountain range west of Denver, our pilot warned us it was going to be a very rough ride. And he was not exaggerating!
Our plane bounced, wobbled, lurched, and dropped—up and down and up and down! Passengers was silent; seat belts were on; and many of us were quietly praying—such a frightening ride was certainly not what we expected.
As our jolting, tumultuous ride continued, the voice of a little girl temporarily distracted us. Totally unaware of the potential danger we were in, and she piped up with, “Up and down, up and down! This is the most funniest ride I’ve ever had!” It definitely was not a fun ride for us, but our plane landed safely with some very tired, grateful passengers!
Life sometimes includes twists, turns, ups and downs, and challenging situations. And our dreams may become thwarted when, for examples, our children have problems, marriage is not what we expected, and people we love die much sooner than we would have ever expected.
Even though we do not understand or like the changes and detours, that’s how life sometimes unfolds. Emily Perl Kingsley is a lady who had to readjust her dreams and expectations when her son Jason was born with Down Syndrome.
After his birth, when her life took a change in direction she did not expect, she wrote an essay below entitled, “Welcome to Holland.” Life for Emily was “not supposed to go” that way, but it did. She had dreams for a child without problems, yet that was not where she found herself.
Following are some excerpts from Emily’s essay, a metaphor, about her trip to “Holland.”
“Holland!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy!”
But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland, and there you must stay. . . .
It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.
And you begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.
And for the rest of your life you will say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”
And the pain of that experience will never, ever go away. The loss of that dream is a very, very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Emily arrived in a “strange land” with the birth of her son Jason, and many challenges were ahead of her. After becoming more familiar with her new surroundings in “Holland,” she worked to make changes not only for her son, but for other children with disabilities.
She used her talents and influence as she worked with the National Down Syndrome Congress and the National Council on Disabilities. She worked as a writer for Sesame Street, integrating adults and children with disabilities into the format. As a result of her experience, she worked to make life better for others!
If you are grieving the loss of a dream, perhaps you have arrived in “Holland” instead of Italy—not where you were supposed to go—not what you had in your plan for your life.
If your life is forever changed, your loss is very significant. You may have to make new plans, and you may never forget your plans to go to “Italy.” But because of your re-route, you will most likely gain empathy and understanding, maybe even a new purpose with new friends, new challenges, and new rewards.
So, if you have arrived in “Holland,” I challenge you to take time to take a stroll—watch the slow, deliberate revolutions of the large windmill blades and listen for their whir—whir—whir as they gracefully turn!
While you are there, take time to visit the fields of tulips—there are over three thousand varieties! Look at the millions of tulips growing in profusion—more than you could have ever dreamed of! Red tulips, yellow tulips, pink tulips, multi-colored tulips, even black tulips!
It is springtime in “Holland,” a time for new growth, new life! Take time to breathe deeply and look around. Perhaps you will discover that springtime in Holland can be beautiful after all!
Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty, Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225
Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator