Dawn's Notes
Mistletoe and Memories - December 2022
by Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW
I grew up in Tennessee where mistletoe grew high in the tops of trees, and I remember my daddy shooting clumps of mistletoe out of the trees with his rifle! Others harvest mistletoe by climbing the trees or harvesting it with a cutting tool on a long pole. As children, my siblings and I were excited to see mistletoe growing, and it was especially exciting if our daddy brought home mistletoe from the woods during the wintertime. Now, many years later, it is a thrill to see bunches of mistletoe growing on trees when my husband and I travel to Texas for a few weeks in the winter.
Mistletoe is easy to spot in the winter, since its leaves stay green and the host trees lose their leaves, exposing the mistletoe’s hiding places. Mistletoe consists of clumps of greenery with clusters of small, white waxy berries. Mistletoe grows in Europe as well as the United States, but it cannot survive on its own. It is a parasitic plant that grows roots that attach to a host tree, taking nutrients from the tree, sometimes to the detriment of the tree.
There is a myth that the cross that Jesus died on was made from a mistletoe tree. After the crucifixion, supposedly the mistletoe tree was cursed and could not live independently and could only live parasitically on other trees. Perhaps you have heard about girls getting kissed under the mistletoe. It became a tradition in the United Kingdom in the 1600s, and it continues today in many countries. In the middle ages, maidens placed sprigs of mistletoe under their pillows at night so they could dream of the man they would marry, and mistletoe was also hung at balls in the 18th century in Britain.
In 1820, Washington Irving, a well-known American writer, wrote about mistletoe. “The mistletoe is hung up in farmhouses and kitchens at Christmas, and the young men have the privilege of kissing the girl under it, plucking each time a berry from the bush. When the berries are all plucked the privilege ceased.” No more berries, no more kisses!
The custom of kissing under the mistletoe continues. Some of our modern-day Christmas songs refer to mistletoe. The singing group Alabama sings “Hangin’ Round the Mistletoe,” and some of the words to the song are “I’m hangin’ round the mistletoe, waitin’ for you, dear.”
For me, mistletoe is a connection to my roots in Tennessee—memories of my daddy who harvested it and brought it home. It reminds me of my past Christmases and family and our special times together. I think of Christmas mornings when we received small gifts and had our once-a-year treat of bananas, pecans, and tangerines for breakfast. That was the one morning a year my mother did not cook breakfast, and we could eat as many bananas, nuts, and tangerines as we wanted.
Maybe you, like I, have memories that connect you with your past—probably some happy memories and some sad. But if someone you love has left this earth, your memories may be bittersweet. Even though you may smile when remembering the good times, your heart may ache to be with the one you loved.
After a loss, the winter holidays can be more difficult to get through. So give some thought to how you will remember the one you love while you also plan ways to take good care of yourself. Give yourself permission to celebrate the holidays differently if needed. I spent my first Thanksgiving alone after my husband died—I did not want to see a Thanksgiving turkey that would remind me our past happy Thanksgivings! But I spent the first Christmas in Alaska with my sister’s family—new experiences, new memories. So plan to do whatever works best for you and protect your heart.
Whatever you do, treasure your holiday memories you made while your loved one was alive. Here’s wishing you a healing holiday season!
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
- Anonymous proverb
Call about the next "Living Life after Loss" Group at:
Meadowlark Hospice
709 Liberty, Clay Center, Kansas
(785) 632-2225
Dawn Phelps, RN/LMSW, Group Facilitator